Ignorance Isn't Bliss For Relationships ? Minted

Posted by MintedMag on 29 Nov 2012 / 0 Comment

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By Jen Clark

When we?re in the midst of a relationship, it can be difficult to take a step back, gain some perspective, and be objective about its future. It?s often tempting to get caught up in the emotions of love. However, when it comes to matters of the heart, the ability to think rationally is never a bad thing.

While no relationship is perfect, there are certain warning signs which should not be overlooked. So if you?re unsure whether the guy you?re dating is ?the one,? take a deep breath and be honest in your assessment of him. The following questions will help you determine if your relationship has underlying fatal flaws.

Is he selfish?

Does he overlook or undermine your needs?? Does he think about himself and his desires even if they are detrimental to you? Is he interested in your thoughts and feelings? Does he exhibit empathy? Narcissists do not make for good partners and selfishness should be a deal breaker. In order to have a healthy relationship, there must be some give with his take.

How?s your communication?

A lack of good communication is the death of many relationships. Specifically, the inability to resolve and move past conflict is a recipe for disaster. In every relationship, there is going to be conflict and the importance is not on its existence, but on how it is handled. Conflict should be seen as a way to improve intimacy and to bring you closer together. If it causes unresolved hurts and grievances, that?s not a very good sign.

What?s your sex life like?

Don?t underestimate the importance of sex and sexual chemistry. If you feel ambivalent about him on a physical level, this is usually an indicator your relationship suffers from deeper problems. As resentments and disappointments build, the sex often suffers. In addition, a successful relationship requires that both people strive to keep the fires burning. If one or both of you is content to live in a passionless arrangement, it doesn?t bode well for your future.

Do you deal with issues of jealousy?

Jealousy is usually a sign of deep insecurity. Men who are possessive or controlling are also emotionally abusive. No matter what we might to tell ourselves, it?s not that he loves you so much he can?t bear to be without you. The reality is it has less to do with his feelings about you and more to do with his feelings about himself. While sharing your life with someone is healthy, the inability to be autonomous isn?t.

Does he have other, healthy relationships?

It?s good to be his ?one and only,? but you can?t be his only relationship. Friends and family are important as well. Likewise, his past relationships can be a warning sign. Does he have a history of brief affairs?? Have his past relationships ended extremely poorly? Does he have more than one marriage and divorce? If so, it might be an indicator he?s not emotionally equipped for relationship success.

Is his checkbook in good shape?

Financial responsibility is a sign of maturity and wise decisions. Beware of men who want to borrow money from you or who look to you to be their ?sugar mama.? We may think we are being helpful, but the reality is we are being used. In a similar way, it?s never a good idea to use to money to hang onto a man. If you feel like you have to buy his love and attention, you?re not in a relationship you should value.

All too often, women become blinded by intense feelings for a man. We ignore potential alarms hoping they will go away on their own. And when the red flags become impossible to ignore, we often try to change him instead of realizing we are in an unhealthy situation. Here?s the truth: No man is perfect. However, when those imperfections are things that make you miserable, it is always better to move on. No woman should attempt to accept the unacceptable.

Source: http://www.mintedmag.com/2012/11/ignorance-isnt-bliss-for-relationships/

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